Sunday, 21 July 2013

Health Advocates Hold Emergency Meeting in Bid to Tackle Growing Problem of 'Big Sun'

DANGER: Experts warn that millions of children will die as a result of being exposed to sunlight

NEWSFLASH - Doctors, public health experts and politicians last week held emergency meetings last week to combat the sunburn epidemic after experts warn sun cream does not provide adequate protection. Over the last two weeks, in Britain, an estimated 9 million children have contracted sunburn, increasing their chances of dying later in life, and increasing their chances of skin cancer. In order to protect the public, possible considerations included mandatory niqabs for all citizens and free flights to Siberia for all citizens when the temperature exceeds 20C. Inspired by "The Simpsons Movie", enquiries into whether fitting a giant, sun-blocking dome over the whole of the United Kingdom were made, but deemed not to be viable due to limitations in technology.

A spokesperson commented, "Tough action will be needed to combat the significant health dangers caused by the sun, and we must address these issues urgently.

 "Many have taken precautions to protect their children's health but due to Big Sun's refusal to comply with doctors' UK voluntary regulations, we must urge the government to consider legislation. We urge the government to impose a curfew between the hours of 10:00 and 14:00, with fines for failure to comply."