NEWSFLASH: Mortality is a lie!

Every fake charity and their fake charity wives seem to continuously be putting out reports suggesting huge numbers of deaths per year are "preventable" if you eat this, don't eat that, don't smoke that, do this type of exercise, refrain from drinking that, and yet statistics show that around 400,000 people a year die in the UK...
From the remarkable news that minimum alcohol pricing will not only save thousands of lives but in fact raise the dead from their graves, Cancer Research's estimates that over 107,000 deaths a year are preventable, caused by smoking, and the 90,000 preventable deaths each year supposedly caused by lack of exercise, to the 19,000 deaths a year that CASH tells us would be prevented if people reduced their daily salt intake to 6g, I'm wondering that perhaps if all these wonderful publicly funded health bodies were to decide all the UK's health policies, no one would need to die at all!

And that's just the start of it -

Dorling, a Human Geographer specialising in how we die, evidenced road death as the greatest avoidable public health epidemic. Once it was open sewers, then tobacco, now roads must be recognised as the nation’s major killer and be tackled. Introducing 20 mph is the most cost effective way to improve quality of life in Britain today.

Wow!

Educated people gave up smoking themselves before a public ban. Much like proper disposal of sewage, for 20mph speed limits the authorities must lead on this public health benefit. Dorling said

“If British people care about children and have a soul, they’d want 20 mph residential speed limits.”

I'm convinced.  Fantastic. If all these clever people with fantastic caring souls are allowed to just do their jobs and save all of us (especially the kiddies) via public health legislation, none of us here in the UK would ever need be bereaved ever again!

These statistics are really just the start of it though. The 19,000 lives a year that CASH claimed would be prevented by a reduction in everyone's daily salt level to 6g a day is only scratching the surface of the lives that could be saved...

In their timeline of aims, we see that 6g of salt a day is far too much, and that the recommended daily amount to save even more lives is... 1,500mg. Yep, that's 1.5g, or, about 2 spoons of tomato ketchup... per day. Helpfully though, CASH provides us with a list of foods low in salt, with exciting items such as fruit, cottage cheese and fromage frais.

What's this though??? The Food Commission warns that fromage frais is "loaded with sugar"! And before you reach for that fruit juice, beware, as it causes cancer, and even most fruit itself should instead be replaced with dried prunes, according to our fun-filled friends at the University of Bangor.

Anyway, we all know what to do. Let's vote in the public health experts to make all our laws, and no one will have to die ever again. If you don't, you don't have a soul...